Today’s beverage: the icy cold reality that me not being able to sleep is going to make for a lovely 7am spin class
Well readers, I feel like I owe you an apology. Was anyone starting to feel ghosted? I said I’d be back last week. Well here I am, slipping back into your DM’s.
Note: parts of this were written pre-rant, and currently at 1:30am I’m not interested in going back to make the timeline cohesive. So let’s approach this with the same mentality as the Fast and Furious saga. Any time something doesn’t fit, you just change where Tokyo Drift falls in the line-up.
If you understood that…yay! If not, you should a) watch all the movies and b) listen to the Newcomers podcast
To say that life has been busy lately would be a massive understatement. Things have been HECTIC…but like, in a good way. So many big things are going well, and it lulled me into a false sense of security I think.
I was having a conversation with my mom the other day about how I was feeling so off balance, and she told me that she was so proud of how I’ve been sailing through these last few crazy months. And I think that really hit me. Like, I didn’t realize how much I’ve had going on lately. I didn’t notice how much I was draining my mental and emotional faculties. But then I lost my ever-loving shit trying to install a fan in our bathroom. Everyone has a breaking point, and it turns out that was mine.
Pro tip: any YouTube video that says this is an easy 10-minute job is a fuckin lie!
But that’s neither here nor there.
Today what I really want to do is circle back with you all as to why I started my blog in the first place. I started my blog as an outlet because I was so unhappy in my professional life. I thought if I could do something for me, and maybe even turn it into a little money on the side (which I did!) then that would help my mental health while I waited for other things to fall into place.
And it worked!
And then I got busy. And I also got a new job, a job that I love!
So the blog went to the back burner. Want to know what else went to the back burner? Me maintaining my mental health.
When I was doing my partial inpatient program a few years back, one of the things they stressed (great word choice, huh?) was that the process of reviving from anxiety and depression is not linear. You go forward. You go back. You put your whole self in and you shake it all about. Somewhere along the line these last few months, I let the fact that everything was going well trick me into lowering what I would normally consider a healthy baseline.
And then I had my first back-to-inpatient visit with my therapist since COVID. And I felt amazing when I left! I also felt drained, but anyone who does therapy knows that’s how you know you talked the good stuff. But it occurred to me on the drive home that I needed to get back to writing. I needed to get back to doing things I had being doing all along to help maintain my mental health.
Just because it’s not broken, doesn’t mean it can’t be protected. It’s like how despite the fact that our new couch is currently spot-free, that doesn’t mean I won’t scotchguard it before Littlefoot and her perpetual zits bleed all over the dang thing. Or another example…I don’t currently smell at this moment. But I’m still going to put deodorant on before I leave for class later.
I say “later” and not “tomorrow” because it’s already tomorrow and already way too close to time to get up.
Anyway, you get the idea.
This is all a very wordy way of saying…I’m back! Probably not at the same frequency as when I started. And by probably I mean definitely. But I’m going to make an honest effort to not be such a stranger.
So until next time… I guess I need a closing catchphrase, but that’s a hurdle for another beer.