It started with a bar cart

Today’s beverage: Saranac S’more Porter


Some of you may think 4pm is a little early for a beer. However, it’s Saturday. And to be fair, I’m trying to counteract the copious amount of caffeine I “accidentally” put in my system. God-forbid I go anywhere without thinking I need iced coffee. Hell, despite the fact that I was likely sweating out beer in my boxing class this morning, I filled my water bottle with a nitro cold brew. Since then, I’ve continued to put only caffeine in my system. But in my defense, we ran out of seltzer and I’ve grown accustomed to a certain way of living. You may call this being basic, but I call it…also being basic.

Anywhooos, back to the task at hand….

It all started with a bar cart. And it ended with an expense paid trip to Hawaii! No, it did not. I wish! No, it ended with a tequila purchase.

Pandemic projects; a lot of us have them, none of us need them. I do not buy into the idea that COVID is the perfect time “improve yourself.” No, this is more like the Hunger Games or The Road. You do what you need to do to get through it. You do you, boo boo.

I’ve been very fortunate, though. My boyfriend and I have stable jobs that we can do from home. Neither of us has gotten sick. Many of the people we are close to who have gotten sick have had relatively mild symptoms. And lastly, my mental health is controlled by medication.

But I don’t do “idle” well. I get what some might refer to as “obnoxious” or “annoying” or “un-showered”. COMMENCE THE PROJECTS!!

I like to think I have a bit of a knack for building shit. And like many people I know, the shutdowns have resulted in me having a bit of a knack for alcohol consumption. So I built a house for my liquor. Off I went to Home Depot (3 Home Depot’s in one trip to be exact because oops), and after 3 days I had a pretty nice bar.


Look at me, turning my alcohol consumption in to something productive. Excuse me while I give myself a nice pat on the back.

*pat pat pat*

And what goes well with a bar? FRESH INGREDIENTS!

Project 2: herb garden

All I have to say here is that the venture was short-lived, and everything died. Also, the parking lot of my apartment was not the ideal place to find rocks.

Project 3: new house for my rabbit, Elephant.

Elephant is a free-range rabbit in our apartment. She has been for years. She is somewhat self-contained by the fact that she won’t leave the carpet, but otherwise she hippity hops wherever she darn well pleases. Which for the most part, is no where. The bitch is lazy. The most activity she’s ever seen was that brief phase where she insisted on humping my Great Dane.

That being said, she still needs a house. For the past few years, it’s been a chicken coop, which looks great in my living room naturally. But she needs a house to store her litter box, because I’m not a savage.

She also needs a house because sometimes she has what we lovingly call “butt troubles.” If any of you own rabbits, you know they will occasionally have running craps. This is mostly due to poor diet and obesity. If you recall, Elephant is a lazy bitch. She is also an absolute fucking MENACE about food. Think Monty Python, but brown. We’re talking bowl throwing, we’re talking chasing and biting, we’re talking attacking the dog and destroying prized possessions. So yeah, she needs to go to “poop jail” sometimes, the sentence lasting until those poops firm right up.

Before anyone worries about her longevity, she’s almost 7 years old. Over the winter we had a scare when the vet told me that she likely either had uterine cancer or a bladder infection so severe that she would need surgery. Death was “imminent.” Fuck that noise. One week on antibiotics and we are good as new. So naturally, I’ve been telling people she beat cancer with pure stubbornness. Because what’s life without a little embellishment.

Back to the project. So I built her a new house. It had pretty lights! She ripped them apart. It had wallpaper! She tore it down. Some people just can’t have nice things I guess.

One project that didn’t have the desired outcome was my goal to start tracking my spending. So I was under the impression that if I did this, I would magically have more money. I do not. Turns out that I spend the same amount of money whether I write it down or not. Apparently, you also have to like create and follow a budget. Seems unfair to me, but whatever.

I also said I’d learn about investing, but after reading all the Game Stop stuff and not understanding a damn thing, I’m over it.

You could say I’m barely an adult.

My last piece of personal growth is that I’m now the proud owner of an orchid! Her name is Gale, after my two favorite Gales.

1. Gale the wind gust from Frozen 2

2. Gale from Letterkenny

IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN LETTERKENNY YET… that’s your only pandemic project. Unless you’re a degen from upcountry, then you can just go kick rocks. If you’ve seen it, you’ll get it.

If you recall, my herbs died (one actually never started growing), so I got something that’s harder to care for. I mean, maybe I’m just not being challenged enough. Isn’t that why kids throw things and bite each other in elementary school? Because they need a challenge? Maybe that’s why all my succulents have died, because they’re just not commanding enough of my attention. To be clear, I didn’t bite them. I barely eat salad, let alone a houseplant.

But That’s what I’m going with. I needed a challenge. I adopted Gale 6 days ago, and she. is. thriving. Stay tuned for updates.

Wait, that’s not my last piece of growth! I guess it would be this blog, obvsies. Because I sure as shit have not gotten to the part where I upload my professional writing samples, the ultimate purpose of this whole venture. You can’t fail if you never start, right?!

So until next time…I guess I need a closing catchphrase, but that’s a hurdle for another beer.

^ see what I did there?!

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